Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
