You smell like stripper and shame
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
