His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
