I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
