I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
