Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
