Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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