so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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