Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
