Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
