pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
