office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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