Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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