how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
