I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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