Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize