My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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