my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
where am i from again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
