I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
MIDGETS
????
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
