what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
