this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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