I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
