She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
