What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
