I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
