I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
