I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
