Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Too much gin, very little bucket
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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