So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
