i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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