I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
