I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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