Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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