bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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