Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
