Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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