I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
