Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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