I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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