Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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