don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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