God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
