How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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