yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
