Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
