If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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