you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
COCAINE IS GR8
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
