I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
