Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
