oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
