You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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