your parents love me but you hate me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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