i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
