why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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