Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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