if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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