ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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