margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
