what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
