I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
