pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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