she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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