I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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