the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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