I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its liver damage thursday
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
