I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize