I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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