i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
