her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
