Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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