Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
