Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
