Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
