just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
