You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
