I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
