how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
