She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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