So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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