call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
