somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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