You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize