somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
