somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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