you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
