Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
