a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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