Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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