How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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