Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
