I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
