I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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