the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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