currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
