i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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