Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
