Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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