come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
