when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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