I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
