Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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