hell yes lets make some ravioli
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
