if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
