I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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