Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
