You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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