I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
