Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
