At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
