My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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