If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
